My point is, only stupid bitches are afraid of video games. My exact words were, "It's a masterpiece of video gaming." Later at the station, he took that clip and added a voiceover: "A MURDEROUS MASTERPIECE." For a stupid bitch, I think he saved a lot of lives that night. But instead of offering my opinion on grenade launchering women (strongly against), I talked about how amazing GTA 3 was and how blessed we were as a nation to have it in our Playstations. And sure enough, the producer spent an hour trying to bait me into squeeing about all gamers' need for hooker murder. Personally, I think the word "controversy" is just a warning that nearby idiots are about to turn their confusion into arguments. I once even had a news crew in my own home interviewing me about the "controversial" Grand Theft Auto 3. Thousands of editorial columns and sensationalized news pieces have warned us that GTA lurks in the shadows, waiting for a lapse in our vigilance.
When you're looking to blame something for the moral decline of society or just your own horrible child, it's hard to find a better scapegoat than Grand Theft Auto. If I wanted to run errands all day for a brief moment of amoral fun, I'd get a job as Jude Law's nanny. Maybe I'm spoiled from playing this game before only with a bat belt, bionic jumping power, parachute and grappling hook, or 300 playable LEGO superheroes, but so much of GTA V is a boring commute. And since so much of that game involves boring activities and travel, you'll feel like you're wasting your time within your time wasting. Like all GTA games, the constant arguments with the camera, cover system, and controls will remind you you're playing a game. When I first looked up from Skyrim to check the time, I was shocked to find I was off by 25 days. But Grand Theft Auto might be the first game specifically designed to make you feel your time being wasted. Roger Ebert already said they'll never be art, and according to psychologists, they don't even train you to kill better. If you're not hit by emergency vehicles, you may be able to catch it! Now, simply scroll through the 75 possible locations until you find the one you want! While the taxi begins its long journey, it is the perfect time to ask your screaming spouse, parents, or children why you can't do just one god damn mission. It may start confusedly fleeing the crime scene, so tap the sprint button before it gets away. It will be approximately one block from you, so look for it in the center of an exploding traffic jam it caused. If you are not playing the black character, a taxi will arrive 15 to 30 seconds later. Slowly scroll down your contact list since quickly isn't an option. If your destination is too far away and you'd rather play the game instead of driving across it, exit out of the map and open your smart phone. Press A to go to the actual map and search for your destination. Scroll along the map with your thumbstick for a moment before you remember this isn't actually the map. Finding your way around is easy! You simply press pause and wait for a short loading screen to finish. So the game is a sprawling expanse of detailed nothing, but it's not all bad.
Grand Theft Auto V's writers read the instructions on a rape kit and decided they knew everything they needed to know about women and comedy. And when you mock something without wit, you're just a cranky bully. Any idiot will tell you that ridicule is a hilarious alternative to leering when you're dealing with giant-breasted sluts, but GTA attacks with no wit. For instance, the GTA V writers explore fertile comedy ground with the idea of women being dumb whores. You need to do more than point at social trends and call a dwarf casting agency.
Satire and parody are more complicated than Scary Movie 11 would have you believe. It'd be almost sad if it wasn't so mean-spirited.Ī recreation of the GTA V creative process based on actual GTA V scripts. Each one follows the same two-step structure: Clearly explain what it's mocking, then nothing else. If a forensic psychologist found a poem on a suicide victim called "WHY EVERYONE IN MY HIGH SCHOOL SUCKS," his summary of that poem would be identical to any gag in Grand Theft Auto V.
GTA V has such a robotic sense of humor that Jenny McCarthy has linked it to PS3 vaccinations.